9 Things You Should Have Learned by 21

 

Dear Readers,

No one knows it all, and sometimes the things that you do know, you might have to be reminded from time to time.  Now, I don’t want you to think that I see you all as incompetent, or “fell off of the potato truck,” but everyone needs a helpful reminder.  I’m not above self approving and through out my life there are things that I learned  that I still have to remind myself each day.  I also know that the site carries a myriad of readers from high schoolers, college aged, and fly women, so to each, here are a few things to remind yourself as you go through your daily life.  Also, feel free to add in the comment section anything that I might have missed.  Remember, self-improvement is the best improvement.

 

“You are not a unique snowflake”

In my “Tyler Durden” voice.  For those who haven’t seen the movie or read the book Fight Club, I suggest that you put it in your “to watch” and “to read” pile.  One of my favorite lines from the movie and book is:  ”You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake.”  As bogus as that comes off, in a way, it is true.  Yes, there is only one “you,” however, if you’re sitting back and thinking:  ”I know I’m going to make it because no one can do it like me,” that’s when you’re sadly mistaken.

Yes, you do have an amazing talent, but you’re not the only one with it.  To succeed in life, if you can’t rest on the fact that you’re the best at something.  You have to also strive, work hard, and be personable.  Yeah, you might be able to do something fantastic, but always remember that there is someone else who can always take your place if need be. 

 

Do not become comfortable in dysfunction

Life is extremely crazy sometimes and sometimes when you’re trying to learn how to roll with the punches, you end up allowing yourself to stay in an unhealthy situation due to laziness.  Now it’s true that you can’t spell “dysfunctional” without “fun,” but too much “fun” can be bad for you.

If you’re in a bad relationship, or poor situation in your life, don’t become comfortable in it.  You definitely deserve better in your life.

  

Two half people do not make a whole person

As humans we are meant to be social creatures, and wanting to be in a romantic relationship is expected.  However, if you feel as if you are a hurt and broken person, trying to be in a relationship should not be a means for you to feel better about yourself.  It’s even worse when you try to get into a relationship with someone who is just as broken as you are.  Just because you two find each other, doesn’t mean that you should be together.  Make sure that you’re in a better, more whole place first before you enter into a relationship with someone else.

 

“Scared money don’t make money”

Far be it for me to say that Ray-J doesn’t occasionally make good sense, but when he appeared on “The Breakfast Club,” he said a line that really rang true.  ”Scared money don’t make money.”  When trying to go after your dream job, it can be extremely terrifying, and a lot of times we can talk ourselves out of something.  However, letting your fear consume you only hinders you and your ability to succeed.  You have to want it more than you are afraid of it.  Only then will you be able to succeed.

 

All criticism isn’t “hate”

Yes, you are amazing, wonderful, and fabulous, but just because someone points out a flaw doesn’t mean that they’re hating on you.  There will be people who will only want to point our your weaknesses so they can feel better about themselves, but just because someone criticizes you (especially if it’s constructive) doesn’t mean that you should dismiss it.  See it as something to help you improve yourself.  Even if they are trying to hate, use it as a means to better yourself.

 

Sometimes it’s not everyone else

There’s a story of a man who went to a friend’s house, but shortly left after he smelled a foul smell.  He went to another friend’s house, and left for the same offense.  After visiting multiple friends’ homes and deeming them disgusting, he goes to his house, to find that the odor was at his house.  Turns out the source of the odor was something foul that he stepped in and carried into each house.

Remember that when you’re thinking that there’s something wrong with everyone else in the world, that’s the moment you need to check yourself and make sure that you’re not playing a role in the craziness.  Remember what Albert Einstein said:  ”Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”  If your personality persists and you keep on losing friends in new relationships, that’s when introspection is needed.




Sometimes closure is a solitary act

It would be nice if life was like the movies, or television shows, where you can get answers to how and why certain things happened, or why people do what they do.  However, life isn’t like that, and obsessing over the fact someone hurt you is doing more harm to you than them.  If you feel like getting answers will help you to heal, then go for it.  However, sometimes you have to get your closure on your own.

 

Keep your name good in these streets

After finally watching “Love and Hip Hop New York,” I was introduced to Raqi Thunda.   After having issues with Joe Budden, Consequence, and Jen the Pen, when Raqi went back to Hot 97 to be told that her beefs are keeping her from prospering.  No, you will not be be best friends with everyone, but you should be at least on a cordial tip with most, because especially in this day and age, it’s not what you know, it’s who you know.

8 Ways to Improve Your Relationship

All relationships need a little pick-me-up sometimes--even the best of them. If you feel like your relationship isn’t quite what it used to be, here are some things you can do to improve it and keep your fire burning.


1. Improve your communication
There is nothing more important in a relationship than communication. The more you communicate with your woman, the less likely the two of you will get into arguments because you both will be able to talk about your problems instead of holding them in. Remember, if you can’t communicate, you can’t even begin to support one another in a relationship.


2. Take responsibility for your own happiness
This means taking responsibility for your own feelings and needs instead of trying to get your partner to make you feel happy and secure. Learn to treat yourself with kindness, compassion and acceptance instead of self-judgment. Don't lose yourself just because you are in a relationship.


3. Show her gratitude instead of complaining
Practice being grateful for what you have rather than focusing on what you don’t have. Constant complaining creates more stress in a relationship, while gratitude creates emotional, spiritual and physical health.


4. Laugh together
Mutual laughter is an essential component of a strong and healthy relationship. Romance is much better if you can see humor in the little things and can have a laugh together. So, make a conscious effort to incorporate more humor and play into your daily interactions with your woman and be willing to make a fool of yourself sometimes just to put a smile on her face.


5. Set common goals together
Look for anything that’s common between the two of you and talk about ways to work toward that aspiration together. Sit down with your partner and set new goals., i.e health, comfort, happiness and so on. Share what you want your life to be about, where you want to end up and what these things mean to you.


6. Give her some space
When you love someone, you want to spend as much time with them as possible; however, it’s equally important to have some space and to spend some time apart every once in a while. Being apart not only allows you some freedom, but it will also allow the two of you to miss each other and is an ideal way to keep your relationship interesting.


7. Be spontaneous
You can ensure that romance never goes out of your relationship by doing things like sending her flowers for no reason, writing her a love note, or preparing her favorite meal for her when she least expects it. Being spontaneous also means trying new things out of the ordinary together to keep the relationship interesting.


8. Improve your sex life
If you really want to give your relationship staying power, give a little extra effort in the bedroom. There is no limit to the number of ways to have sex, so use your imagination and come up with as many new positions as you desire. There is always something that you haven’t tried, so don't be afraid to mix things up in bed and awaken her sexuality.

7 Adventurous Sex Positions

Often when in long-term relationships, our sex life falls into a rut, with the monotony of repetition weakening the passion we once had. To keep things heated up, Marni, your very own personal Wing Girl, shares her top seven most adventurous sex positions. Some of these are over-the-top feats that will test your manhood (see the superhero), but all of them are guaranteed to give you and your partner earth shattering, mind-blowing orgasms all while letting you be the dominant man that drives women wild. That is if you're brave enough to pull them off. Watch the following videos to see how it's done.

No.7 The Superhero

No.6 The Pinwheel

No.5 The Sidewinder

No.4 The Butterfly

No.3 The Pretzel

No.2 The Glowing Juniper

No.1 The Hook

 

 http://www.askmen.com/top_10/dating/7-adventurous-sex-positions_1.html

 

 

 

 

4 Things You Do That Kill Her Sex Drive

There’s a reason why you and your wife of 20 years don’t ravage each other anymore, and it isn’t for your lack of trying. According to a new study in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, women in a committed relationship report lower levels of sexual desire over time—a .02 percent decrease every month—while a guy’s desire stays the same. (Yet another reason to start with a lusty woman to begin with!)

“Some research suggests that somewhere between 6 and 30 months, relationships switch from passionate to compassionate—more affectionate than ripping each other’s clothes off,” says lead study author Robin Milhausen, Ph.D., a sex researcher at the University of Guelph in Ontario.

So are you to blame for her lack of lust? Not necessarily, Milhausen says. “For women with a lower sex drive in the first place, the switch to a deeper emotional bond may reduce some of the excitement associated with sex in new relationships.”

Still, you’re not exactly helping matters. We asked several sex experts to shed light on the worst things you do around the house and in the sack that turn her off. Vow to never commit the following mood-killers again—try to Banish These Bad Habits, too—and your sex life will suffer no more.

1. Ignoring Her Appearance“Guys in long-term relationships tend to stop noticing when their partner looks pretty, and so much of female sexual desire is tied to a sense of self-esteem,” says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., sex counselor and author of She Comes First. The fix here is simple: Pay her a few simple compliments every day, like letting her know she’s sexy, Kerner says.

2. Putting Her Under PressureDon’t worry or question her about getting orgasms, says Marnia Robinson, author of Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow. Stay relaxed and focused on playful touching, she advises. “This means no performance pressure on either of you. Let whatever happens happen in its own time—or not. Good sex is about connection and sensual satisfaction, not number of orgasms produced.” And here’s a nice added benefit to staying calm: “The relaxation is good for erections,” says Robinson.

3. Using Porn As a BenchmarkIt’s good to keep the sex hot—but it’s more important to keep it real. In other words, forget that cool move you caught on XTube.  ”Just because you saw a sexual practice in a film doesn’t mean it’s safe or satisfying,” says Robinson.  And it might not even be something she’s into. “If you need extreme stimulation to perform with a partner, you may want to cut back on overstimulation. A desensitized brain can also find sex less arousing. As you restore your brain to normal sensitivity, regular sex behaviors become enjoyable again.” Time to rediscover the wonders of the missionary position.

4. Leaving Her Lips HangingAs men get comfortable in a relationship, their approach to foreplay tends to focus on the moments leading up to sex, says Kerner. “But female desire doesn’t operate like a light switch that turns on and off—it’s more like a dimmer,” he says. Small acts of intimacy like hugging and kissing can get her in the mood. But don’t get antsy: “Don’t expect her to be immediately turned on,” Kerner says.

3 Places to Find the Woman of Your Dreams

She's out there—if you know where to look.

City living may not be all it’s cracked up to—at least in terms of meeting ladies. Just 48 percent of people have found “the one” in urban areas of Britain, compared to 77 percent in the country’s rural parts, according to a new survey of over 2,000 people.

“There is so much choice in the city,” says Richard La Ruina, dating coach, and author of The Natural: How to Effortlessly Attract the Women You Want. “In the countryside, you may be presented with less options—thus, less temptation.” (No matter where you’re located, women are women. Click here to learn What Every Woman Wants.)

While there may be more options in the city, you may not be putting yourself in the right places. Here are a few ways to beat the odds and snag the girl of your dreams.

At a Party—At This Time
It tends to hold true no matter the city: The party starts late. NYC bars are open until 4 a.m., while drinking holes’ last call is just before 1 a.m in the rural part of the state. Here’s the thing: “In my experience, I’ve noticed that women tend to go to parties earlier, while men tend to show up later,” says Tracey Steinberg, dating and flirting expert. It’s not science, but if you’re striking out at 11 p.m. when the party started at 9, change your schedule. 

At a Nicer Bar Than You Frequent Right Now
Ever seen a group of dressed up girls walk in to a hole-in-the-wall sports bar? They’re likely not there for the beer list. “I don’t think there’s anything wrong with going a place to meet someone,” Steinberg says. “Women do it all the time.” Your move: Next time you’re going to grab post-work beers with your office buddies, skip your local pub and hit up the dressier wine bar uptown—she’s more likely to be there. Click here to learn How to Drop Weight with Wine.

At Your Local Animal Shelter
According to the Burea of Labor Statistics, year after year, more women than men volunteer. “If a man likes to make the world a better place, he’s going to be with a lot of women,” says Steinberg. Volunteer at an animal shelter, wine taste, or sign up for dance classes—these are all female-friendly spots itching for some male company, Steinberg adds.

3 ways to get over your ex—for good.

Need someone to blame for your lackluster love life? Point your finger at your ex. According to a new study from the University of Toronto, your old flame gives you fits long after the breakup.

Researchers tracked 123 people in relationships for six months, asking them to rate their feelings of affection both for their current partner and their most recent past partner. Turns out that as your current relationship goes sour, you begin to wistfully reminisce about the good times with your ex. “She starts to seem like a much better alternative when your new relationship isn’t going well,” says study author Stephanie Spielmann, a Ph.D. candidate in psychology at Toronto.

What’s more, people who started a relationship with relatively positive feelings for their ex saw their new relationship quickly fall apart, the study found.

That doesn’t mean you should let nostalgia for your ex push aside the legitimate reasons why you broke up. “Trying to get back together is often associated with feelings of anger, hostility and sadness,” Spielmann says. “Plus, on-again, off-again relationships tend to be of lower quality.” It’s true: According to new research from Kansas State University, people in cyclical relationships tend to feel less satisfied, have lower self-esteem, and have more doubts about the future of their relationship than more stable couples.

In order to forge a new dating path without worrying about your ex, you need to make your breakup stick. Here’s how. (And for more tips on cutting bait, learn How to Send Her Packing for Good.)

1. Renew Your Space
You were probably wise enough to give back her stuff, and you may have even tossed most of her gifts (although we don’t blame you for keeping that signed NFL game ball). But plenty of your belongings can remind you of your ex. “Get rid of that blanket you cuddled together under, move your bed, buy a new bedspread, and rearrange your couch and your flatscreen so the familiar look of your living room doesn’t stir up old memories,” says Melysha Acharya, founder of BrokenHeartedGirl.com and author of The Breakup Workbook for Men.

2. Get an Outside Perspective
Ask your close friends what they really thought of your ex-girlfriend. “The key questions to ask are: ‘Did I seem happy with my ex?’ and ‘Did you think she was good for me?’” says Acharya. Their unvarnished opinion will help you see past your idealized memories. If she broke your heart, chances are your friends will loyally hate her for you. But if it turns out they actually liked your ex, take that as a sign that you’re meeting the right women and you’ll be able to find a better match soon.

3. Rebuild Your Ego
You may feel like you’ll never meet anyone better than your ex, and you fear you’ll be alone forever. So even if you’re not ready to date yet, set up an online dating profile and browse the available women in your area. A 2009 study by Spielmann found that merely thinking about the number of available women you know helps reduce feelings of attachment to your ex.

5 Lies Women Tell

Make no mistake about it, gentlemen; all women lie in certain situations and your girlfriend is no exception. Sometimes she's only telling half-truths to keep the peace. Sometimes her motives are to protect her own feelings or to cover her tracks. Whatever the case, certain lies occur much more frequently than others. Here are five lies women commonly tell men.


1. "It doesn't matter how much you make."
It does matter how much you make. People do have to make a living, and they need to have some sort of means of support. Women love the feeling of being taken care of, and they want a guy who is financially stable and independent.


2. "I'm not mad at you."
This lie is one of the most frequently used in relationships, and even if she pretends that she doesn't care, her eye rolling and passive-aggressive behavior are dead giveaways that she's angry with you. A woman expects you to magically predict when she doesn’t like something you've done, even if she’s hiding it. So, unless you’re a mind reader, you’ll have to listen to your woman and get her to actually talk about what’s bothering her.


3. "I wouldn't change anything about you."
Although she puts up with you day in and day out, do you really think there is nothing about you that she wouldn't change? Soon enough the truth will come out and she'll be re-sketching better versions of you.


4. “I’ve slept with X number of guys.”
The reason a woman will omit a few escapades from her history is because she is ever fearful of being seen as “easy.” She wants you to make her feel confident that your opinion of her doesn’t lie with her sexual history—and that no matter how many guys she has been with in the past, she's still pure in your eyes.


5. "I love sports too."
Granted, some women do actually enjoy sports, but more than likely, she's making a desperate attempt to gain your attention and connect on with you on a “guy level. Chances are if you ask her any details about stats or players, she'll come up short.

Essential Tips for Breaking UP.

No.5 Know How To Bring Up Relationship Issues

Sometimes, men -- and women -- assume that the breakup lives outside of the norms of the relationship, thereby requiring its own special script. That couldn't be more wrong. The way you handle a breakup is really an extension of how you handle any relationship issue (which may be the reason why you're breaking up).

This video goes over a few techniques you can use to get warmed up. Sure, using "I" instead of "you" may sound soft, but having a woman say, "You don't make enough money," is harder to digest than, "I'm challenged by our financial situation." Don't underestimate the power of words.

No.4 Know The Breakup Signs

Is she protective over her cell phone? What is she hiding? Should you be worried that she's spending more time with her girlfriends? At what point are these signs that she's thinking of ending the relationship? If you're concerned the relationship is heading down the breakup path, speak up. Apply what you learned from the previous tip and handle the issue. Maybe the relationship is worth fighting for, and maybe it's not. But don't let the signs be the final verdict.
Wondering what some of the other breakup signs are? Check out this video.

No.3 Know When To Break Up

Obviously, there's a difference between a relationship issue that needs to be resolved and a breakup -- except, sometimes, it's not so obvious. And as cliche as this sounds, sometimes this issues we're having come down to us -- and changing partners won't correct them. Here's a video that will help you identify reasonable signs that it's time to break up. 

No.2 Know How To Break Up Like A Man

Yeah, breaking up sucks. It's hard because we don't want to hurt someone, the conversation can be painfully awkward and it takes balls that some men just don't have. But, like AskMen's dating host Marni says, you have to suck it up and just do it, because every relationship should be treated with class and integrity. Here's how to break up like a man.

No.1 Know How To Get Over A Breakup

Our No. 1 breakup tip involves moving on. Whether you dumped her or were dumped, you have to keep your head up. So who better to ask than director, writer and producer Nick Stoller from Get Him To The Greek? He shares his experience on how to get over that one girl and get back in the game stronger than ever.

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5 Skills That Impress Women

Women like a man who is confident in his abilities and can take care of himself (and them too if the need arises). They also appreciate an array of skills in men ranging from complex ones that show off masculinity to the emotional ones which indicate a guy's softer side. Although it's virtually impossible to impress every woman with the same one or two skills, here are the top five skills that impress women.


1. Being able to cook
Just about every woman is a little bit pleasantly surprised to discover that a guy can cook, actually wants to cook and seems to genuinely know what he's doing in the kitchen. You don’t have to start taking cooking classes, shop for expensive cookware or throw together an artistic dinner to impress a woman. Just start with a few basic recipes and practice them till they turn out right. As long the meals you prepare for her taste good and look and smell appetizing, you’re impressing her.


2. Being able to fix a car
Although not all men are crazy about engines or getting grease all over their sleeves and hands, in order to impress a woman, it is usually enough to be able to maintain a car correctly, replace a flat tire and diagnose basic car troubles correctly instead of opening the hood and looking confused.


3. Being able to speak a foreign language
A woman is bound to be impressed by a man who can speak a foreign language, especially when you just let it come up at the right moment. Apart from the fact speaking a foreign language requires certain level of intelligence and is a skill that is more difficult to learn as an adult, it is also a sign of worldliness, which intrigues women.


4. Being a handyman
It's very impressive to a woman when you're willing to get your hands dirty and can be relied upon to maintain a home and perform basic repairs.


5. Being able to converse with them
Women are impressed by men who can express their opinions and feelings in a masculine way. Unfortunately, most men don't realize that a woman's idea of communication means actually listening to what she has to say and understanding her, as well as relate to her problems without judging her or providing unwanted advice. When you learn how to listen to a woman and adequately express yourself, she will feel understood and respected and you will experience fewer communication problems in your relationship.